Social Anxiety | Do You Have Telephonophobia?
Do you have Social anxiety? Do you have telephonophobia? Telephonophobia is the fear of telephones. I’m not talking about that actual telephone itself, I am referring to making and receiving phone calls.
Social anxiety is a fear of being judged by others, as well as fearing social situations. Those suffering social anxiety may also have telephonophobia which is the fear of telephones.
Do You Have Telephonophobia?
You may have telephonophobia if:
- your stomach goes into a knot when the phone rings or you need to place a call
- your hands start shaking and you feel as though you are going to have a panic attack when the phone rings or when you need to use the phone
- you avoid the telephone at work
- you avoid making any telephone calls, asking others to call for you
If you experience some or all of the situations above, you may have telephonophobia. This is just one more reason why those suffering from social anxiety see their world around them get smaller.
Overcoming Telephonophobia
You can overcome your fear of the telephone with some simple steps. These may not be simple steps to perform, but simple in theory.
- Start by placing phone calls to automated businesses, like a movie theater to check show times for instance. Call every day or several times a day until it almost becomes automatic.
- Next call a business and ask for something very simple like their hours. Ask a simple question that doesn’t take very long to answer, yet you are talking to a real person. Call several different places every day until you get more comfortable.
- Call a business and ask something more complex that would take more time to answer, thus allowing you to have more telephone exposure time. Perhaps ask if they have a certain kind of lamp or other product and if not where they suggest you look.
Be courteous, be direct, and with enough practice, you will begin your journey to overcoming telephonophobia.
Social Anxiety is crippling, but having a fear of the telephone is the worst. Don’t watch your world get smaller, pick up the phone today!
I know I absolutely HATE using the telephone. I much prefer face-to-face meetings.
I think people grow to dislike telephones just because businesses have taken to the nefarious act of using telemarketing to try to get people to buy stuff they don’t need.
Secondly, another reason is that bill collectors, when they call, get very rude and unkind when they keep calling. They might be doing their job, but when you have a nonviolent personality and approach to life, being screamed at by a debtor (even if the debt WAS of your own making) only makes a person more wary when the phone rings.
I hate using the telephone, and I can tell you right now that it has nothing to do with the reasons Kat put forth. Yes, telemarketers are annoying, but that’s not going to make me nervous about answering the phone! It’s not that hard to hang up on them. I’ve also never been in debt so I’ve never spoken to a debt collector.
It’s more of an anxiety about talking to people over the phone (just as the article said), it’s not just a dislike of using the phone as she stated. Big difference. My boyfriend suffers from this as well, and if we want to call a restaurant to place a pick up order we usually argue over who is going to call. We both hate doing it so much that usually it just results in us getting some fast food, staying in, or ordering a pizza online.
Even with caller ID on my phone I still won’t answer it sometimes, even when I know who it is! Social anxiety is very irritating and it’s frustrating when you can’t even make what should be a simple phone call.
That’s me.. welcome to my life. My husband does all my phone calls and all incoming calls will have to leave messages cause I won’t answer the phone. It’s killing me.. I own a business and NEED to be on the phone but I can’t.
Absolute Horror. And nobody understands or believes it.
I can use the telephone, but I don’t because I know that once the call is over, depending on the severity of the call, I will spend hours or days lamenting over the exposure I’ve suffered, whether I make mistakes or say stupid things or not. It’s all about rejection. I assume that one person’s rejection is universal condemnation, and that is the irrational idea I can’t shake anymore than a religious person can deny their god. If I hear again someone asking me to speak up or I can’t think of what to say, or I reveal too much to a family member, or act in the wrong way, then it’s just one more nail in the coffin that is my isolation from people’s acceptance. If I just don’t do anything to bother them, maybe, someday, someone will like me, but at least in the meantime they’ll leave me alone.
Yes, it is crippling. Sometimes just hearing a phone ring can cause anxiety to skyrocket.
Yup, this is me to a T. It’s so odd because when I was younger i.e. high school and college I talked on the phone for hours. Now I can’t even convince myself to call friends. It’s amazing that I call my family! If ABSOLUTELY necessary, as in no way to avoid it, I can make the phone calls, and I can handle doing them at work, but I hate it. I think my telephonophobia is getting a little better as my depression (which I’ve suffered with since college) starts to improve, which is good.
Anyway… best luck to everyone with this phobia, it sucks, and I’m with you.
[...] someone suffering from social anxiety more often than not also has telephonophobia as I mentioned here. Telephonophobia is a fear of the [...]
I don’t have a problem calling businesses or making appointments. Calls involving strangers and the exchange of money in the future is no problem. However, I’m terrified about calling a friend to hang out or something. I won’t even call my best friend…I may want to hang out really bad, but instead of calling I’ll sit and wait for the call that will never come. I hate this cowardice.
Yeah. I don’t have troubles answering the phone for family. But when its people I don’t know then I’m totally not answering it. At work, I sometimes have to call doctors offices and ask for fax numbers and confirm patients names. I put it off for as long as I possibly can. I make every effort to find the fax number online so I don’t have to call the offices. And when I have to, I’m stumbling over my words and in a huge rush to hurry up and end it.
I’m amazed that other people have the same problem as me. People around me completely do not understand and think I’m being silly, which I spose I am, but I can’t help it. When I do have to use the phone, especially to strangers, I get out of breath very quickly and then feel like I can’t breathe, having to take huge gulps in between talking to the other person, and sometimes trip over my words and stutter, and my throat goes dry and croaky and I can’t control my voice very well. And then when the call is finished, like Milliner said, I will spend hours, sometimes days, thinking back to the conversation and going over it with a fine tooth comb, picking out all the things I did wrong and thinking that the other person must have thought I was an idiot. It’s crippling, because I need to apply for a new job soon as my contract’s coming to an end and basically all the suitable ones require me to use the phone! Even in my workplace now, I have a phone on my desk, and when it does ring I pretend not to notice or go off and do something else. I’d hate to answer and have everyone listening to me make a fool of myself. I take beta blockers which help with things like driving and blushing, but doesn’t help with this, I think it’s a self esteem thing, as in anxiety over what other people think of you. It’s good to know other people are in the same boat but a lot of us seem to be using the same tactic – avoidance!
Depending on what state of mind I’m in, talking on the phone can be fun or complete hell. I sweat, my hands shake, my voice shakes from the adrenaline rush of the flight/fight response, I can’t think straight, and on really bad days I’ll have trouble seeing, as if I am about to pass out. I never thought, though, that it would be a common phobia. I always thought it was a silly insecurity that I just needed to get over.
In some of the above comments I noticed how telemarketers and bill collectors were mentioned as a possible cause or aggravator of the phobia. I’ve been both and even then I hated phones. I think my experience as a bill collector (which didn’t last long) was the icing on the cake for my fear of phone conversations. Just the thought, sometimes, will get me worked up and agitated. Mostly I only answer phone calls from my husband or family members. I try to answer for friends but often end up emailing, texting, or IMing them back. It makes me feel bad because I love my friends but the fear blanks my mind out and usually it ends up with them talking and me having nothing to say, I fear that my behavior may come off as my not caring what they say when in fact I hang off their every word.
I have noticed that if I have a long face-to-face conersation with someone before talking on the phone to someone else I feel more relaxed and rarely anxious about the phone conversation.
So… best of luck to everyone who feels the same. I will be taking it slow and do my best to stop avoiding/ignoring the issue, it just gets worse when I do.
I’m so glad I found this!
The whole things has become crippling to me. I have several people who repsonded to ads I placed and I can’t find the courage to call them back!!! I get so mad at myself and my husband doesn’t get it, so no help there. Just thinking about making the calls, constricts my breathing and makes me panic.
I’m trying to do it all via e-mail, but that’s not curing anything….
It feels so good to know that I am not the only one who suffers from this, (not that I want others to). I thought it was just me going crazy or something. Low self-esteem all my life, a crisis run legal firm, & a boss who screamed & yelled all the time are the things that have caused my problems, at least I think they are. It is so confining to have this phobia. It is ruining my life. I hate calling anyone. I’m afraid I will be disrupting their lives; they don’t really want to talk to me at that time, they are busy, etc. I have call display & will only answer when I know who it is. It is also starting to make me become a recluse. I am now getting afraid to go out, even shopping, as I will be disturbing someone else. Fibromyalgia, chronic pain, chronic fatigue, plus other problems does not help any, and side effects of meds, eg. loosing all teeth, added weight, looking tired all the time, just add to these fears. I wish I could stop all of this pain, both physically and mentally. I try to keep my spirits up, but most days it is very hard. Electronic communication is mostly what I use to get in touch with people, but that can’t be done all the time. Working really hard to overcome all of this!
I can call business associates during work hours without a problem, but calling a friend for myself, or the doctor’s office, or the dentist – even ordering pizza – is something I hate doing and will avoid. A lot of the time, I feel like I’m interrupting or bothering someone.
I’ve found when I have to make a call – to a doctor or dentist, for example – it helps to write out a “script” or even rehearse what I’m going to say beforehand. If I at least get the first few lines down, then I’ll be okay.
I can’t tell you what a releif it is the here that I am not alone … No one can believe it about me because I seem like an assertive and outgoing person. It gets me in to trouble time and time again, but still, its there every day… It affects the way a work as an marketer.
When it is really bad it also affects my private life, during these periods even calling my friends seemes like climbing a mountain.
Are there anyone who can share their story of recovery?
I am 20 and all of my mates keep asking me to ring them, but I can’t because I am so scared. The problem is, nobody I know believes I have it – they think it is a silly thing that I make up in order to get out of doing it. They won’t believe that I get physically sick, my hands start to shake, I can’t breathe properly and I get a headache. And I know for a fact that I’m going to spend days analysing what I said, and picking apart everything with a fine toothcomb to make sure I didn’t say anything stupid.
Both making and receiving calls makes me terrified – I always pretend not to hear phones ringing so that I don’t have to answer them, and run away from phones ringing in shops. I can’t even call my friends or family without being absolutely terrified.
And…now I actually have to make a call to someone. I don’t have any choice about it, and I am so completley terrified that I can’t sit still. I have the number in my phone, but I am too scared to press the CALL button.
But thank you for this – I thought that I was the only one out there who had this horrid bloody thing.
I think psychologists are way too busy consolidating a dogma by inventing new disorders and phobias. I also hate to call or receive calls from unknown people, but probably all this is just related with being more shy or let’s say, grumpy. In real bad cases, i’d say it’s rather a part of a bigger problem, not a condition per se. Many people will actually be negatively influenced by a medical diagnosis on a problem they otherwise didn’t consider major, because they will start to see themselves as being sick and hence unwillingly accentuate their problem.
(excuse my english)
I’m currently on meds for anxiety, and using a telephone is really bad. I sound like a five year old, mix up my words, sweat, can’t string sentences together etc. My heart feels like it’s gonna pop outta my chest. I can’t phone taxis, takeaways, doctors etc. For me it’s the fear of being misunderstood or not hearing someone properly. I’m terrified of being asked questions over the phone and now it’s breaking out into different aspects of my life, going shopping, group work in college.
I hate having to call someone, especially when it’s something I have to yell and scream about to fix a problem. I also do not do accents. I can hear them very well and makes the situation uncomfortable.
I’m doing a little better. There is this Thai place that understands what I am saying when I place an order over the phone. I used to worry about it, but the message is clear.
My dad in the past used to make some important phone calls for me. All they needed was to ask me if I allow my dad to take the call for me. I was over 18 at the time, and 18-year-olds sometimes don’t understand these situations anyway. If I didn’t have my dad or husband, I wouldn’t know what to do, and I would never call.
I have this phobia, most of the time I can’t answer the phone unless it has caller ID and I can see it is one of my good friends or a close family member. I once almost got sacked because I always let the phone ring, praying someone else would answer it, and always palmed off jobs that involved making a call on someone else. Since I was about 16 and started to need to make calls to sort out things like banking, or job interviews, I have had a lot of trouble and stress made a whole lot worse by my mum not believing me and shouting at me saying I was just being pathetic and stupid. I’m 19 now and when she tries to force me to make a call to a stranger I panic, I cry, I feel physically ill, I shake. I have to spend atleast half an hour calming down and rehearsing what I’ll say in my head and then I still sometimes panic and hang up before they answer. It makes me feel useless, and it’s hard to do anything about it.
I also have this phobia. I cannot answer the phone or make phone calls even if I know the person. I am still a high school student and have had this problem since the start of middle school at least. I feel comfortable calling my parents and that is about it. I dread calling my friends for homework help or just for fun. I rather fail a school assignment than call people sometimes. I hate talking to their parents or siblings. I am worried that I’m saying something wrong and they are judging me over the phone. I like to think I am a confident person and judging doesn’t usually bother me…unless it is over the phone. It feels better to SEE a person judging you instead of imagining they are. If this happens to me with acquaintances you can imagine what happens when I talk to strangers. I also fear calling the wrong number and having to explain why I called them. It makes me nervous. I have told my parents and friends. They laugh at me and say it is a dumb thing to be scared of then force me to call someone. If I have to call someone I try to delay it as much as possible. I cry, shake, hyperventilate, and give myself stomach aches and migraines. I have to spend an hour calming myself and telling myself it is alright. After I make the call I have to spend some more trying to get over the trauma. I plan out what I am supposed to say to the point of writing it down yet I still panic when I am talking. After the conversation, I think about everything I said for days wondering if I said anything wrong or something to make them think I’m stupid or something. I have been known to hang up repeatedly even before the person answers. I pray that I will get the answering machine when I call someone. I hate feeling this way. Thank God for texting. I can text
I feel so much less of a freak now!!
And yesss, thank god for text messages.
**This condition is the WORST!! Sometimes I do want sb to call me, but when they do I absolutely paralize! And I just stare at the phone KNOWING I will not answer it, but deeply wanting to
Terrrrible…
Like many of you, I feel better about myself because I am not alone in this. I never really had the fear of the phone until I was thirteen. I was always the chatty and outgoing type, but I remember one time, I had a conversation with a friend of mine. We were drifting apart as friends, we never hung out as much anymore. She told me once that she thought I was incredibly smart, so I felt that I needed to sound smart for her on the phone (even though I knew she was way smarter than me), especially since she hadn’t heard from me in a while. Unfortunately, I tripped over my words, I was nervous (because I was trying hard to impress), totally awkward, my voice was high-pitched and shaky, and I sounded like a complete and utter fool. I guess you could say, I never wanted to pick up the phone after that. I’m not even sure if that was the reason, maybe I’m just making myself believe that, but even with my relatives/close family friends, just to greet them a Happy Birthday is the most difficult thing I have to do. After I say, “Happy Birthday”, the conversation ends and I try to grope words out of thin air, nothing seems to come out of my “intelligent” brain to keep the conversation going and I’d freakin cry afterwards because I sounded like this shy, insecure loser and I would also fidget. I have to fidget while talking on the phone, or I’ll go insane…the only thing is, the other person at the other line can hear me fidget (I’ve been told that several times)
… but I think I’m slowly getting better at talking on the phone since my sister bought me a cellphone. I was hesitant at first, but since she bought it, I sort of learned to use it. Just a week ago, I’ve had a seven minute long conversation with my friend…but I can’t deal with business people, like talk to bank representatives or my cellphone company representative…asking about my university course…I just can’t…I wish there was a class I can take to improve this skill…personal defect. Thanks for reading.
I fear the telephone and have only started noticing it over the past 2 years or so. Until then, I loved using the phone – I remember when I was still at school ringing a close friend every morning and again in the evening. Up until about a year ago, calling friends wasn’t a problem, but now I avoid the telephone altogether.
I just can’t make calls. My worry is that I won’t be able to understand what the other person is saying, or they won’t be able to understand me. I also worry I won’t be able to hear them properly, or will answer a question they didn’t ask me. It all comes down to feeling foolish, I think, and I desperately don’t want the other person to think badly of me.
I make my partner ring up for a takeaway, or to check opening times at the local swimming pool, for example. If I know I have to use the phone, I become shaky, I start to feel sick, and my nerves become overwhelming. I don’t like to answer the phone, even if I know who is calling, because I don’t want to screw up whilst speaking, and cause myself the embarrassment.
If I HAVE to make a phonecall, then I will, but it literally ruins my day. I much prefer to use e-mail, text, or fax methods of communication, or even face-to-face. I also worry that I’ll run out of things to say on the phone, and the silence will be awkward.
My partner is understanding but doesn’t really “get” what’s so bad about the telephone! Nobody else really knows about it – they just get annoyed when I leave making appointments by phone until the very last minute and don’t understand why I do it! I am going to try and take smaller steps into using the telephone more, because I don’t want it to take over my life any longer.
Thanks for reading
I wish there was something that could be done to fix this type of problem. I too suffer from the fear of using the phone, especially to people I know or authority figures like my boss or a financial institution. I’m so afraid of what to say, that whenever I do take a call I let out a big um…and then want so badly to hang up. After the call I will go for days or weeks going over everything I said. Knowing that the other person thought I was a complete idiot.
I know how this feels. For me, its answering the phone. I absolutely have such a hard time answering it. The worst part is the anticipation of the phone ringing. If its on my cellphone I just let it go to voicemail most of the time. But its horrible at work since I am forced to answer it. Then I completely stumble over my words just saying hello. Its been really hard.
I’m the opposite of Dee, answering the phone is fine, but I absolutely hate making calls. I haven’t a clue why, I’m not a shy person at all, but having to make a phone call, especially to someone I don’t know, terrifies me.
just had another argument with my 18yr old daughter about her inability to make phone calls, and now feel very bad for it! I hadn’t realised it was a real problem for so many people – I just thought she was being awkward or lazy. All I can say as someone who DOESN’T have a problem with the phone is most people don’t judge the voice on the other end of the phone, especially businesses. You are a customer, and as such are always right.
I have very differnet reactions to using a phone, As am now 40 yrs old and have suffered with this for many years, I have learnt to control (to some extent) the fear. I can easily phone friends and family. I can easily answer a call on my mobile if I know who its from. I can not listen to a voice mail, i hate it, it scares me, I hate myself for being scared. I find it difficult to make certain calls, enquires, bill payments all put me on the defensive and cause the shakes. The worst calls I have to make (and these can take hours of self preperation) are calls to people who will judge me, IE sick days, apoinment cancelation et al. why this happens???? Face to face I can be a diplomat/warrior/teacher/pupil no probs, I can speak I can commnicate. SO why does a phone make a difference?
Thirty years ago I used to have general phone phobia involving making any phone calls. Then I had two receptionist jobs, and now I can manage making calls as long as they are business or task related, and I don’t mind answering incoming calls. I still get incredibly anxious when I have to place “social” calls to friends or people I care about a lot. So, what about conquering this next level?
I’ve had a crippling fear of using phones for as long as I can remember. Caller I.D has helped, because, as others have stated, I can screen calls and somewhat prepare what I’m going to say.
I’m almost incapable of talking to strangers though, especially if I have to make the call. Even if it’s very important (such as calling the emergency services)but even silly things like calling to make a Doctor’s appointment or ordering food. My heart races, my throat goes dry, I shake and sweat and my worlds become tongue tied.
I also have a similar response to large groups of people, such as clubs and parties. I feel sick and very tense and nervous. I never have a good time and make my excuses to leave as soon as it is polite to do so.
My family mock me because they see it all as trivial and bizarre, but in truth it makes me thoroughly miserable and has ruined many good things in my life. I’ve lost jobs before because although I was genuinely ill, I couldn’t summon the courage to call in. I despise myself for my cowardice but I don’t know what to do.
There are actually free telephone conference call support groups run by the nonprofit Social Anxiety Anonymous; The good thing is, you don’t have to talk when you call in, you can just listen, which helps if you have phone phobia, this allows you to gradually overcome that fear plus other social fears, the web address for that is http://www.healsocialanxiety.com
They are really great groups by the way. All shy socially anxious people (like us) but all working (gently and without pressure) to get better…
It is so good to know I’m not the only one with these symptoms. My sides hurt and i get short of breath when I have to talk on the phone with most people. It’s destroyed my relationships for the most part. I am pretty sure its part of my social anxiety.
Does anyone have any positive experiences with overcoming this illness? Medication, therepy anything…
We’ve established that it’s a real illness that the few of us are having to live and deal with. Lets share some ideas for overcoming it.
Thank you
A lot of it for me is self talk. If I start worrying about making a phone call, I really “listen” to why I’m worrying. If it is because I’m worried about making a fool of myself, I say, “so what?” I’ll never see these people. Or, they don’t know me. I’ll take a couple of deep breaths to calm down. If I have to call a business and it is involved, I might even write things down. Practice, practice, practice, and NEVER dwell on it afterward.
Gosh, that’s totally me.
I did know that something was kind of wrong with me but not that it had a name of itself *runs to google*
Without a caller ID I just can’t pick up the phone; or get really anxious about it (My grandma has a private number, so I HAVE to pick up every private number that calls in case SHE is calling and needs something. FML)
I have a hard time even calling to a business to ask for their opening hours, and would totally avoid it if I can.
Oh, and my mother is totally helpful with this. “You won’t be able to go to collegue being like that”
Thanks mommy, it helps so much (sarcasm of course xD)
Excuse crappy english, it’s not my language
Some people can be very inconsiderate and judgmental. If someone isn’t afraid to talk on the phone, then the rest of the people who are must be freaks. We’re not, plain and simple. It’s a phobia, not unlike being afraid of spiders or tall buildings.
Thank God for this thread. Nobody would believe me! Just knowing others suffer the same anxiety will help me overcome it. It’s strange, because I was fine with the phone as a teenager.
Perhaps not being able to see the person we’re speaking with on the telephone makes the situation appear to be beyond our ability to command it. We can’t “read” the other party’s body language and facial expressions. We’re afraid of sounding like a dope. We’re afraid they won’t like us.
What we don’t realize is, the party on the other end of the line is probably thinking, “Oh, I hope I don’t sound like a dope…I hope they like me…”
You know, I fell upon this site actually trying to research this phobia myself. I am sitting here typing this to you and the phone is ringing…I hate it. I never knew there was anything such as social phobia even with a telephone. I feel better knowing I am not alone in this.
I have been suffering with this for around a year now but it only seems to affect me at work.
I hate the thought of my colleagues listening to me on the phone, I completely avoid using the phone as much as possible, I feel soooo stupid! I used to use the phone all day everyday at work but after a few calls with some horrible customers it completely knocked my confidence. I try to tell myself that its only a phone call and really gear myself up to making the call but normally end up e-mailing the person or putting the phone down when they answer. I don’t have a problem calling socially. I used to also suffer from fac-to-face anxiety i.e talking to people face to face but think I am nearly over that now. The thing that angers me soooo much is that I used to be able to do it so easily and think nothing of it and now I can’t, I am a 22 year old intelligent person, I am confident and some people would say I used to be arrogant but this has really brought me crashing down to earth! I’m really scared of my new work finding out about it, I have great career prospects where I am and would hate for this to ruin it! Please can people offer some solutions to this, what has worked for others as I think we need to all group together and find a way to break this!
Did anything happen a year ago Dan? Can you pinpoint anything that happened when this all started for you?
I think it came from a couple of nasty calls I made in which the person was shouting at me and it was in front of my colleauges, my voice went shakey and I just froze and put the phone down.
I think that ever since then I have had a sub conscious fear that it may happen again. Now, even though I know the person I am going to make a call to is a nice person and will definately not be horrible to me, I just can’t do it! I am going to see a psychologist tomorrow which I am praying will help, I just need a cure!!!
It’s great you are going to see a psychologist tomorrow, Dan!
And it’s also great that you can pinpoint the time you think this all started. For some, it’s been that way all their life, so they can’t remember the “source” when it all started.
Good luck and we will be praying for a cure for you!