Setting Goals
You need to set specific goals. You can’t just say, “I want to be rid of my social anxiety.” You have to be more specific. Setting goals will keep you focused and on the right path to overcoming social anxiety.
First ask yourself:
- What type of social situation do you want to stop avoiding?
- How do you want to feel in that situation?
Some example answers to this might be:
- You want to go to the movies and be relaxed.
- You want to eat at a restaurant feeling comfortable.
Start small! My first goal was to walk out and get the mail and feel relaxed. I mean, start small!
Make a list of all your goals. From the smallest, the one which will cause you the least anxiety, to the largest, the one that will cause the most anxiety.
Actually write them down! Putting them on paper makes it more real. Rate your goals in order of the one that will cause the least anxiety, up to the one that will cause the most anxiety. You will be more successful if you start with the lowest causing anxiety situation.
Side Note:Be realistic when setting your goals. Don’t expect to be totally free of anxiety in any situation. Most people feel some anxiety, and this is normal. If you expect to feel no anxiety what-so-ever, you have a higher chance of not meeting your goal.
Defining Your Target
Defining your target helps you know if you have reached your goal. You may have several specific feelings and thoughts you want to happen when you reach your target.
For example:
Your goal might be:
- I want to go to the movies and feel relaxed.
Your target might be:
- I will feel less anxious when paying for my ticket
- I will be able to make eye contact
- I won’t turn down invitations to go to the movies with friends
Your targets will help define your goal even further, guiding you, and telling you what you need to do in order to reach your goal.
Write down your targets for each of your goals. This may sound easy until you really start to be specific with each goal. You may want to be too rigid in your wording. In the invitation example above, notice it doesn’t say, “I won’t turn down ANY invitations…” that is too rigid; too unrealistic.
Setting goals and targets will start you on your journey to overcome social anxiety. You now have a written plan.