Setting goals is a must to cure anxiety, as the previous post here talked about.  This article will be a bit more specific in setting goals.

The next step after setting your goal is to define your target.  Defining your target helps you know if you have reached your goal. You may have several specific feelings and thoughts you want to happen when you reach your target.

For example:

Your goal might be:

• I want to go to the movies and feel relaxed.

Your target for this goal might be:

• I will feel less anxious when paying for my ticket
• I will be able to make eye contact
• I won’t turn down invitations to go to the movies with friends

Your targets will help define your goal even further, guiding you, and telling you what you need to do in order to reach your goal.

Write down your targets for each of your goals. This may sound easy until you really start to be specific with each goal. You may want to be too rigid in your wording.  In the invitation example above, notice it doesn’t say, “I won’t turn down ANY invitations…” that is too rigid; too unrealistic.

Setting goals and targets will start you on your journey to overcome social anxiety. You now have a written plan.

When you hear the word anxiety, what comes to mind?  I envision everything fast paced.  Fast heartbeat, fast talking, and fast movement.  You really need to consciously slow everything down.  Slow your roll to calm your anxiety is a great statement to memorize.

Everything you do, try and do it deliberately slow.  If you are having dinner at your favorite restaurant with your friends or family, don’t rush through.  If you have social anxiety, that is the first thing you want to do.  Rush through and get out of there as fast as you can.

However, a better way is to deliberately slow your roll, slow your eating, and slow your conversation.  Concentrate totally on your dinner guests, the food, and the beautiful atmosphere.  Breathe, smile, slow down and you will feel more in control and relaxed than you ever have.

Overcoming social anxiety can be a long journey, especially if you have no idea how to get there.   One step of the journey is setting goals.  Specific goals are a must to curing your social anxiety.  Being specific in your goal setting helps you to know when you’ve reached that goal.

For instance, you might say your goal is to be rid of social anxiety.  That is all well and good, but how will you know when you’ve reached that goal?  I tried doing that very thing.  My goal was to be free of social anxiety.  Then I actually went to the store and had a panic attack.  Well, I went to the store which is actually a huge accomplishment, but I certainly didn’t want a panic attack.  In the end, I didn’t know if I reached my goal or not.

So, set a specific goal.  For instance, I should have said, “I want to go to the store and feel relaxed.”  Having a panic attack is far from relaxing, so not reaching my goal would have been obvious.  Also knowing that, I could have practiced coping skills for the next time I go to the store to ensure a better time, and have a better chance at reaching my goal.  Instead, I thought I was a failure and that I would never reach my goals and be rid of social anxiety. 

Start small.  If your social anxiety is severe, maybe a huge goal would be to sit on your front porch for 5 minutes feeling relaxed.  Once you have your goals written down, start with the smallest and work your way up to more challenging goals.  Take it as slow as you need to, but be consistent and keep moving toward a goal.

Good Luck!