Here are some tips to overcoming the faulty thoughts that were discussed here. One trick I have learned is to visualize a big red stop sign and say the word STOP. Out loud or in your head, it doesn’t matter. This interrupts my negative thoughts and I am able to apply new ones.

Some examples of the more realistic thoughts could be:

• I can handle this
• I have just as much right to be here as anyone else
• I am confident
• I am an intelligent person
• I deserve respect
• Change the words “What if?” to “So What!”

The whole idea is to replace the “what if” statements (what if I say something embarrassing) to positive and supportive statements.

The next step, is to write down key questions to diffuse the negativity.

• What are the odds of this really happening?
• Is this always true?
• What is the worst that can happen?
• What is the evidence of this?

Study, learn, and memorize your new supportive statements. Don’t just read them. Believe them!

This is another excellent book to help you through those anxious moments. Find out what “Mindfulness” truly means and why it is so important in your recovery.

Everyone has a daily flow of thoughts. However, for a person suffering from social anxiety, these thoughts tend to be faulty. Faulty thoughts is a term I use to describe the fearful thoughts racing through our mind, telling us bad things are going to happen in a normal social situation. Examples of fearful thoughts can be found at the bottom of Assess Your Fears.

It is very important to understand your thought process, so if you haven’t recorded your thoughts in a thought diary, return to Assess Your Fears and do so now.

To change your faulty thoughts into more realistic and constructive thoughts, follow this guideline:

• They must be in your own words
• They must be directly related to your situation. If blushing is the concern, a new thought about sweating won’t work.
• They must be realistic. Use the phrase: I am confident and calm. Not: I will not have any anxiety.
• They must be short and to the point. Thoughts are so fast, you have to master the new thoughts so they are second nature and automatic when you have to use them.

This book is an excellent tool to help with your negative thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, on your journey to overcome social anxiety. It is great to go back and read through every once in awhile when you get off track.

Everyone is unique, with his or her own specific fears. To assess your fears, you must look deep inside yourself to figure out when you feel danger in social situations.

Bodily Symptoms

How does your body react to rejection, disapproval or anxious situations? What bodily symptoms do you experience?

Some of my bodily symptoms include:

• Hands shaking
• Blushing
• Extremely dry mouth
• Stomach pain
• Shortness of breath
• Nauseous
• Chest pain

You may experience some of these symptoms or more when you are going into a social situation. Be aware of your symptoms and keep a log.

Important: If you haven’t seen a doctor for any of these symptoms, you should to rule out any other medical condition.

Fearful Thoughts

People with social anxiety need to identify their thought process. These are your fearful thoughts, or as I call them “faulty” thoughts, because these thoughts have no basis for fear. These are the thoughts that go through our mind in a normal social situation that tells us something bad is going to happen.

These thoughts sound like:

• If I’m anxious, I can’t function around people
• If I make a mistake, no one will like me
• Others are talking about me
• I don’t fit in
• I sound stupid

To identify your thought process, you need to write down your thoughts at the time they are happening.

Keep a thought diary:

• Write down the date
• The situation you are in
• The thoughts you are experiencing
• Rate your anxiety on a scale of 0 to 10, with 10 being the highest anxiety.

This was a huge problem for me. For example: When I would have to attend one of my children’s concerts or gymnastics competitions, my thoughts should have been… I have to load the camera with film, I should leave early to get a good seat, etc…

Instead, my faulty thoughts took over… I have to walk out to the car and I will trip and everyone will see it, I will get stuck at the 4 way stop and look foolish not knowing when to go, I will park in the wrong place once I get there, I will go in the wrong door and look stupid, I will sit in a seat that is already taken, etc… I think you get the point.

These thoughts have nothing to do with the event itself. It is a thought process I go through when I have to enter a social situation. The social situation isn’t causing my anxiety, my thought process is.

Beliefs and Expectations

Your beliefs and expectations are taken from your thought diary. If you take one of your thoughts (i.e., if you make a mistake, no one will like you), do you believe this to be true?

What are your expectations? Given the same example, do you really believe no one will like you if you make a mistake?

You probably answered yes to both questions. Yet they are inaccurate. The problem is, we have had these beliefs and expectations for so long, we think we are pretty accurate. Let me tell you, they are not. We need to change our beliefs and expectations as well.